BLESSINGS THAT ARE NOT PACKAGED AS BLESSINGS.
A child is a blessing to any person given the responsibility of carrying the child in their womb. Well that was not the feeling I got especially with my second born child. I have two children a daughter 2 years and 8moths, and a boy 14 months, now do the math.
when my daughter was only 8 months old, Shock on me! I got pregnant. I could not believe it at first since I was on contraceptives to prevent this from happening but alas! That’s exactly what happened. We had agreed with my husband that we would spend a few years before opening any discussion for another baby.
I had to first get a job as his salary would not sustain the now growing family. Mind you we had not also planned to have our first born but that we took lightly and life continued as I looked for a job here and there. I would earn a few shillings hoping for something better. Life was a bit of a challenge for someone who had just graduated and had really looked forward to a very bright future.
When I first took the test I read negative but for some reason I did not dispose the PTK. So later as I was tiding up everything I picked it and shock on me, it now read positive. Oh my God. This was bad news. Where would I start from? Life was already difficult! I took the test again and again and the results were the same.
I told myself I had only one confidant to share the news with, my HUSBAND. I called him. Unfortunately, he retorted that it was a joke. so I thought to myself I would share the news again to him that evening face to face. That was the worst part of it, he said he needed not to hear anything of the sort and that we could not manage two kids especially then. He went ahead to advise me to get rid of it as it was just a few weeks old. My heart sank.
That I did not answer but I had resolved I would keep the baby no matter what. I was depressed. I would cry almost every now and then. I was incapacitated from giving my young daughter the required attention. My life started becoming a mess. Continuous headaches and fatigue. I started shutting off friends and family. What would I tell them?
You see our current society doesn’t understand and therefore is intolerant to people’s emotions. So they would ask, point fingers that you having babies like rats or your babies look like drum and many such derogatory comments. I needed not judgement at that moment. I felt I needed to heal my wound. But for some reasons I was couldn’t. I needed the support from my hubby. All through even when I was having nausea and the morning sickness, hubby would not show any concern and that really badly hurt me.
All through the pregnancy I told only three friends who are very close to me. Their support was amazing and it really helped me push through. I told my mum who responded uninterested. Throughout my pregnancy I was depressed. There are times during my first trimester that I asked God to take away the baby through a miscarriage. It never happened. I was angry with myself. I was angry with God. I was angry with my unforgiving husband and the society at large for being so judgmental.
it was in my mid-term, that I started coming to terms with the fact that I was going to have a baby and nothing was going to change. I first forgave myself. I embraced myself and that really boosted my self-esteem. I was able to take care of our daughter and prepare her for the new baby that was coming to join us. No matter what, I had to be strong. Friends (three of them) would call me routinely and ask how I was doing. They would boost me financially and emotionally. One bought me baby clothes. I will forever be grateful to them.
But finally, I got a baby BOY! My heart became lighter, I forgave my husband. I shared the news to people that I would feel comfortable with. I slowly started getting aware of the fact that the two little angels depended on my wellbeing. I started to appreciate the fact that in reality a baby is a blessing. I have never lacked. My husband now appreciates the fact that we got them close so we bring them up really close. My friends and neighbors admire how strong and an amazing family I have and my parents are now appreciative.
I know so many people go through this a lot. The pain is gone untold but my advice is seeking self-fulfillment first. Appreciate yourself. Love yourself and believe that you can. You shall make happen. This is because not all blessings will be packaged as blessings. Unwrap yours!
There is a process of loss that a person goes through when faced with any unexpected situation. This was the case for this couple.
Reading the piece, one would be tempted to pass judgement on either the wife or the husband. Truth is, none of them was mean, or unreasonable, they were just dealing with this loss. Unexpected baby means loss of freedom, loss of space, inability to achieve goals, involvement of finances which were already not available.
Unexpected children bring about emotions similar to that of a person going through loss. The emotions include;
-Denial -it took several tests for her to even see it as a possibility,
-Anger -angry with herself, with God, with husband and with the society.
-Bargain -terminate the pregnancy.
-Depression -I was not able to take care of me, or my daughter, I withdrew from friends, unwanted to deal with me and for some reason, I couldn’t.
-Acceptance- I forgave myself, forgave my husband, started caring for myself, and understood my children depended on my wellbeing.
The process and period of loss (incases of unexpected pregnancies) varies from person to person. For some, it takes weeks, others months, some even years. Understanding that both people involved in such a setup are going through loss helps to not only heal, but also deal with the bitterness that comes with no support, no help, going through it alone and also meeting the pain that comes with such circumstances.